I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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