I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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