babies were throwing up all over the place
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
