seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
