how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
