I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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