Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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