we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
