I think I won the penis lottery.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
