I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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