I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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