shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
