I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
