dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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