On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
