I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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