last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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