4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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