she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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