I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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