Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
