dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
