the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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