If that was your dad, he is hot
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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