so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
