I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
