Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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