and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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