filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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