There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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