I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
