Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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