dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize