when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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