Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
