HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
