i would punch a child for taco bell
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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