life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
