Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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