I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
