he wants to bone in the snuggie
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
