i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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