from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
