She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
