dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
