I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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