we're blogging at a bar
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
