o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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