I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
