Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
