The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
